13 Songs and 13 Albums Vin Liked in 2013 (Archival footage from 2013)

This is my year end review list from 2013, originally published January 2, 2014 on Last.fm.  I am very sure most, if not all, of the Youtube links are no longer working.

So, the year is almost over and I think it’s about time to declare which music made me aroused and titillated the most in the past 12 months. I prefer aural stimulation over the voyeuristic kind so therefore “artists” such as Katy Perry or Miley Cyrus who sold a buttload of albums and downloads will not be making the list, because the only thing those women were good at was sucking a mean cock.

Anyway, now that that distinction’s been made, it’s time to look back at 2013, a year I’d rather run on a treadmill made of nails for 12 consecutive months than have to repeat. But there was glorious music to be heard. As anyone who is a music fan can attest to, 2013 had it’s ups and downs, disappointments and those who fired large on all cylinders. And this list is for those who turned in beasts of performances and refused to fall to the wayside in a fiery act of terrorism. First will be the songs, then the albums.

13 SONGS TO LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER

13. Where The River Goes by Amplifier, from the live album “Live in Barcelona”

So I’ll preface this by saying Amplifier’s new album from 2013, Echo Street, largely sucked and put me to sleep half the time with drawn out, mostly mellow performances like this one but without this song’s hooks and interesting instrumentation. I went with the superior live version released as the single for their new concert album from Barcelona. This is still the best Steven Wilson song released in 2013, because his new album was also an exercise in tedium and bored me to death with it’s copy-paste rehash of 70’s bloated prog.

12. Get Lucky by Daft Punk from the album “Random Access Memory”

Here it is, here’s the one time you’re going to see me praise anything that was a massive hit single or album on this entire list. This song is catchy as hell, the upbeat funk groove is great, and while this (and the whole album) sound absolutely nothing like the Daft Punk of Interstella 5555 and Discovery times, this song was at least a success in the change of style. Plus Pharell kills the hook and Nile Rodgers rules too. That aside, I like old Daft Punk and prefer the electronic stuff so the album wasn’t great. While I am touching on hit pop music of the year which ruled the charts, here is a short list of the year’s most successful “artists” who should have their vocal chords destroyed: Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Bon Jovi, Justin Beiber, Drake, Robin Thicke, Jack Johnson, and all those fucking country clowns. Okay. Done with ranting now.

11. I Appear Missing by Queens of the Stone Age from the album “Like Clockwork”

It was a close call between this and “I Sat By The Ocean” but in the end, I had to give it to the droning stoner rock freak stomp of “I Appear Missing”. A great song continuing in the QOTSA tradition of off putting and odd sounding longer tracks, and my favorite from the new album.

10. B.I.T.C.H. by Tech N9ne and T Pain from the album “Something Else”

So here’s an oddball choice for a few reasons. Tech N9ne’s new album was easily the worst of his I have ever heard. He has also released a second album this year where he goes nu-metal with Ross Robinson. Weird and 10 years too late. Tech delivers decent verses with great flow here. But this first single with T Pain’s autotune which I still hate, is used to hilarious effect. “I’m breaking in these niggas cribs” in autotune made me laugh until cheap vodka poured out of my nose and piss soaked my underwear. And for that, I’m putting it on here.

9. You Lust by The Flaming Lips from the album “The Terror”

With this song, Flaming Lips throw the switch into full on Pink Floyd prog combined with the trance inducing effect of throbbing synth repetition and an almost industrial sound. The album was meh, but this song was fucking amazing and for being a 13 minute drone, it never got boring or too repetitive for me. Again, the love of Flaming Lips’ Embryonic album and progressive like Pink Floyd and Porcupine Tree really influenced my praise of this track.

8. An Ocean of Wisdom by Gorguts from the album “Colored Sands”

I really like metal. Gorguts is a band that combines the best of technically skilled death and progressive metal and reunited recently. Gorguts’ reunion album is probably one of the best reunion albums of all time, and this is the second track from said album. I could have picked a few tracks to name as the best, but I will go with the second track as it’s the one that really made me pay attention when I first put it on. Great stuff if you’re into this sort of music.

7. Lab Monkey by Alice in Chains from the album “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here”

Okay, anyone familiar with my tastes knew I was going to put a new Alice In Chains song on this, even in 2013 and with Layne Staley being dead. Alice in Chains are one of my favorite bands of all time, and the new stuff is still solid in my opinion. I picked this song because William Duvall actually gets to sing more than just backup on the chorus, but these last 2 AIC albums with William replacing Layne have basically been Jerry Cantrell’s Degradation Trip Vol. 3 and 4. That isn’t a bad thing. Oh, and the new Pearl Jam album sucked, so AIC is doing better than their remaining peer still.

6. Melding Of The Minds by Deltron 3030 and Zack De La Rocha from the album “Deltron 3030 Event II”

If it were 2003 and not 2013 right now, this would have been my number one pick for best song of the year, 2003. But it’s 2013 and Deltron 3030 and Zack De La Rocha both have one thing in common: Immense talent and a lack of desire to actually display that talent. Deltron 3030 Event II was to the underground of hip hop what Detox was to the mainstream, or what Chinese Democracy was to hard rock music. It finally got released and had a lot of great tracks to choose from, I almost went with “Pay the Price” but this track managed to pull Zack out of his exile to create a great collaboration. But for real, if it were 2003 this would be #1.

5. Mr. Freedom by Clutch from the album “Earth Rocker”

So Clutch finally got around to making a new album this year and no surprise, it was really fucking good and by ditching their keyboard and organ player they’ve gone back to a more stoner rock oriented style. “Mr. Freedom” is a song about the Tea Party, a political movement in the United States that would be the most hilarious parody if it were not reality. Neil shouting “Every time you open your mouth a load of horse shit comes flying back out” was almost as funny as T Pain in autotune talking about breaking into houses. And the riffs and drums kill it too.

4. In Two by Nine Inch Nails from the album “Hesitation Marks”

Let me reiterate the same thing I said about Alice in Chains here and say yes, one of my favorites of all time so yes, there will be an appearance. I mean at this point in the list I haven’t given a single song to an act that hasn’t been around for at least a decade so fuck off.

Yeah so back to Nine Inch Nails, they are also back this year and to a varying degree, the new album is all over the place. Some songs, like this one, fit right into the Nine Inch Nails catalog while others sound unlike anything they’ve ever done. “In Two” has that slow building grind and heavy emphasis on pulsating synths and guitars to work with it, reaching those frenzied industrial freak outs that NIN is known for. This song reminds me most of The Fragile era NIN and for being one of the final tracks on the album, it remains a strong point.

3. Unfit For Human Consumption by Carcass from the album “Surgical Steel”

Back when I reviewed Gorguts’ “An Ocean of Wisdom” I praised them for coming back with new material as good as their old material. Gorguts was not the only 90s death metal group to release a comeback album this year, there was also the infamous Carcass who released an album which was front to back filled with great, intense, visceral death metal. I liked 10 of the 12 songs pretty much fucking equally, awesome front to back so I’m just going to give the single from the album the #3 spot for best song I liked all year. I know this kind of music isn’t for everyone but goddammit if it hasn’t been a great time for fans of metal this year.

2. Banana Clipper by Killer Mike and EL P featuring Big Boi from the album “Run The Jewels”

What a fucking amazing collection of rappers on the same track. Seriously, this is the hands down best collaboration I’ve heard all year and maybe even all of last year too if I could remember that far back. This is a very simple beat for the kind of elaborate shit El P usually concocts but on the mic, he and Killer Mike gave insane performances all across the Run The Jewels release. “Told her she raised a bunch of fuck boys, try and do better bitch”. Hard as fuck, Killer Mike doesn’t give a fuck and then Big Boi spits a pretty awesome closing verse. It’s sad that any media outlet wouldn’t touch Run The Jewels with a 10 foot pole in 2013, it offered up the best anyone was putting out there.

1. Bound 2 by Kanye West from the album “Yeezus”

“I wanna fuck you hard on the sink
After that, give you something to drink
Step back, can’t get spunk on the mink”

Voice of a generation am I right? OKAY I CAN’T KEEP TROLLING SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY ANYMORE RIGHT NOW.

Okay for reals this time: 1. When I Lost My Bet by The Dillinger Escape Plan from the album “One Of Us Is The Killer”

The Dillinger Escape Plan are still one of the most chaotic and frenzied bands out there, and in 2013 they released their best album since 2004’s Miss Machine in my opinion, the excellent One Of Us Is The Killer. “When I Lost My Bet” was one of the songs on the album to get a music video, the bizarre pile of whatever the fuck is going on linked above. From the frantic marching intro with the insane drumming to the explosive choruses, and the weird angular riffing which compliments the rhythm perfectly. I also can’t get enough of Greg Puciato’s vocals, he has been one of the most interesting vocalists in metal in the last 10 years since he began fronting The Dillinger Escape Plan back with the Miss Machine album. In 2013, no one was killing it harder and with more perversion than DEP.

The Adam Lanza Award for Song Most Likely To Kill Your Children

In this section, I hand select a song that is so terrible, it can only compare to the heinous crimes of Sandy Hook elementary school massacre shooter Adam Lanza. In 2013, there were tons of offensively awful songs pumped out there into the public like ricin and mustard gas just waiting to enter your ears and force you to beg for deafness. Going after something like “Radioactive”, “Safe and Sound”, “Thrift Shop”, “Royals” or “Blurred Lines” is too easy: Those are all fucking garbage that belong in the recycle bin. I hope I never have to hear those pieces of shit again. However, THIS is the song which I bestow the honor of the Adam Lanza award of 2013 to:

For those of you who aren’t clicking, that was Rebecca Black’s sequel to her awful song “Friday” from a few years ago. A song like that took no musical talent whatsoever to compose or produce. Who in the fuck was clamoring for a Rebecca Black comeback anyway? Bitch should have stayed in 8th grade retirement. So congratulations Rebecca Black, “Saturday” is the 2013 recipient of the coveted Adam Lanza Award for Song Most Likely To Kill Your Children.

To wash out your ears, I’ve provided a link to one of my favorite songs from 2012, “Black Saturday” by Soundgarden, which steamrolls Black’s “Saturday” into flat fecal matter:

…And All That Could Have Been: Honorable Mentions Who Nearly Made It

Hey, how about a bunch of albums I liked more than I hated before I list the 13 I really really liked listening to over and over? These are all mostly good albums and you should check them out, they were overall worthwhile additions to my music collection.

The Devil Put the Dinosaurs Here by Alice in Chains
AMOK by Atoms for Peace (aka Radiohead Chili Peppers)
True North by Bad Religion
Everblack by The Black Dahlia Murder
13 by Black Sabbath
Tomorrow’s Harvest by Boards of Canada
Boris Performs “Flood” by Boris (almost my troll #1 song of the year because why the fuck not)
Random Access Memories by Daft Punk
Old by Danny Brown
The Next Day by David Bowie
In The Minds Of Evil by Deicide
The Retinal Circus by Devin Townsend
The Terror by The Flaming Lips
Habitual Levitations by Intronaut
Stay Trippy by Juicy J
Meir by Kvelertak
The Last Patrol by Monster Magnet
My Bloody Valentine by My Bloody Valentine
Abandon All Life by Nails
Push The Sky Away by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Shrines Of New Generation Slaves by Riverside

I don’t know why my list kind of petered off towards the end of the alphabet, but as you can see there were a lot of full albums in 2013 I enjoyed listening to all the way through. So without further delay, I present to you the 13 albums I listened to over and over and over and over in 2013, beginning with the namesake for our honorable mentions category…

13 ALBUMS IN ’13 WITH MASSIVE REPLAY WORTHINESS

13. Hesitation Marks by Nine Inch Nails

Rating: 2.79/3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169

So we will start with an album I did discuss while mentioning “In Two” in the favorite songs list. Nine Inch Nails are back and to a mixed result. As mentioned before, this album tends to be all over the fucking place. The intro into “Copy of A” is a great start, classic Nine Inch Nails right there. “Came Back Haunted” is a decent single type song, not anything special, and “Find My Way” is straight boring. However, it’s the middle and end that carry this album: “All Time Low” sounds fucking nothing like any recent NIN, but shares the funky carelessness of Pretty Hate Machine of all past work. I really liked this left turn. “Disappointed” sounds like new Radiohead songs or something, but I like those too. “Everything” is the worst Nine Inch Nails song since those aimless laptop noise songs off The Slip and the song after that one is equally boring, but after that it really steps it’s game up: “Various Methods of Escape”, “I Would for You”, and “In Two” are straight up classic Nine Inch Nails industrial, moody grinds of pulsing synth, bursting guitar and explosive hooks. Those last two songs with the minimalistic approach into the wall of noise were a cool ending too. So hey, Trent Reznor still has it for the most part in 2013, good for that old bastard.

12. Sunbather by Deafheaven

Rating: 21.8 grams/1 ounce of dank

I never heard of this band until this year, and got to experience their sudden overhype and backlash on the internet in an almost record time for an act like this. Basically, what Deafheaven’s Sunbather album is all about is combining a sort of hardcore and black metal style with alternative elements like old grunge and shoegaze sounding guitar riffs. It’s not original at all, it’s not the first time this was ever done, and that’s where a lot of the backlash has come from. But for being a new album in 2013, this is pretty damn solid. It reminds me of that one time Between the Buried and Me released an album full of Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins covers actually. I went to see this band live though and both the band and the crowd were totally lifeless aside from me and my equally drunken friend jumping around and enjoying the free access (working in the concert industry has perks). I can’t believe a band that sounds like this can’t even have a mosh pit at their concert live. Sunbather is certainly interesting for those of us who like 10 minute long metal tracks that feature variation and an incorporation of diverse rock styles, but they had a meteoric rise and fall on opinion online this year. I liked it, it’s pretty good, it’s #12 motherfucker.

11. Deltron 3030 Event II by Deltron 3030

Rating: 3030/4010

Yeah, were back on the topic of the Detox of underground rap music, an album nobody thought would ever come out. Somehow, beyond all odds in the universe, Deltron 3030 Event II was actually released in 2013. And unlike Deltron 3030, the original and one of my favorite rap albums of all time, this one featured a magnitude of guests ranging from Black Rob, the one true based god Mike Patton of Faith No More, Mr. Bungle and Tomahawk, Zack De La Rocha of Rage Against the Machine, Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz, David Cross, Andy Samberg, Jamie Cullum and famous actor Joseph Gordon Levitt. That is an impressive list of guests to accompany Del, Kid Koala and Dan the Automator on another album through their dystopian sci-fi future world. In “The Return” we establish it is now 3040 and by the time penultimate track “City Rising From The Ashes” kicks in, it’s 4010. Deltron Zero and his crew of futuristic warrior rap heroes and DJ superheroes or whatever certainly go on the warpath through the whole album to prove they can still bring it, in 2013 or 3040 or whenever the fuck this eventually ends. And the guests were no slouches either.

10. Volition by Protest the Hero

* This full album was not on youtube, so I’ve linked to the two music videos instead:

“Underbite” 7:50 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HjTs-y-ZQo
“Clarity” 5:33 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7pvvAuj7jw

Rating: 109 gigaguts/121 gigaguts full of cheeseburgers

So here was a big shocker that I never saw coming until I listened to the newest album from Protest The Hero a while back. I listened to this band way back in high school and haven’t really bothered with them much since, but then suddenly in 2013 they were back with a new album with modern metal drumming beast Chris Adler of Lamb of God in the band. And wow, these guys are basically trying to continue on what Dillinger Escape Plan did with their great stuff from this year, although this band’s vocalist is no Greg Puciato. As far as modern technical and prog metal that doesn’t go straight into hardcore, noise or death goes, these guys really had a solid album this year. And Chris Adler on the drums definitely brings a great rhythm to the table on this thing. I never would have seen it coming, but Protest The Hero’s new album was pretty damn good.

9. Czarface by Inspectah Deck, 7L, and Esoteric

Rating: 90.3% pure Jesse Pinkman brand meth/99.1% pure Heisenberg brand meth

So this is one of two Wu-Tang related projects released in 2013 that I found very put together and keeping that group’s legacy still going, despite the failure of their hyped album “A Better Tomorrow” which was supposed to come out in 2013. Inspectah Deck teams up with an underground rap duo from Boston consisting of producer 7L and rapper Esoteric, and what they came up with was an underrated moment in the 2013 music pantheon worth revisiting or checking out if you didn’t hear it. The beats are phenomenal, 7L is definitely a hip hop producer I need to check more from and Esoteric certainly keeps up with Deck and guests like Mr. Mothafuckin Xquire, Ghostface, Action Bronson and Vinnie Paz brought some nice verses to the table as well. One greatly timed and appropriate sample amongst many great choices (This album had better samples than Yeezus motherfuckers) was George Carlin’s sample of his act on the importance of context of words: Hey, this is why I just gave an award out named after Adam Lanza, check the fucking context.. So yeah, this had awesome production, awesome verses, but somewhat weak hooks consisting of song titles repeated over and over. “Dead Zone”, “Savagely Attack”, “Czar Rafaeli” and “Poisonous Thoughts” are the high marks, and this is the album of 2013 that felt like creeping around the ghetto at 3 AM, even beating that recent Three 6 Mafia reunion mixtape Da Mafia 6ix I forgot to mention as an honorable for this year. That was a good one too, RIP Lord Infamous.

8. Earth Rocker by Clutch

Rating: 666/777

I already had mentioned earlier my praise for the track “Mr. Freedom”, but yeah, Clutch really had a solid album with their first release in a long while with Earth Rocker. It brought back that solid stoner rock groove that had kind of became a more blues and jam oriented thing with the previous albums from the late 2000s and harkens back to more Blast Tyrant and previous sounds, I am not disappointed. While Clutch are deep into their career, 21 years since their first album now, they now manage to sell better than ever and had their first top 40 chart hit of an album with Earth Rocker as well. Strange, but they deserve it (Oddly enough this research also revealed Protest The Hero achieved similar chart success). The first few tracks stomp in this return to the glory days of Clutch, there’s still a few slower blues oriented tracks sounding like the last few albums too, but they all inspire one to smoke a bowl or two, get down to some feel good rock and hit the spot with some good ol’ classic Clutch material up to par with some of the band’s best records.

7. Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age

* This full album was not on Youtube in actual album format, so here is the entire album performed live amongst other QOTSA classic songs:

Rating: 72.27/81.18

Well guess who finally showed their chops again this year in a similar way to Clutch, only instead of reverting back to previous stoner glories, instead Queens decided to expand yet again into the oddness and quirkiness of that vague stoner rock genre. Here, we have their first album since way back in 2007 with Era Vulgaris which was considered a flop upon release but was a sad bastard of a grower for sure. I’ll start by saying the one-two punch of “Keep Your Eyes Peeled” and “I Sat By The Ocean” was an amazing show of return to form for QOTSA. “I Appear Missing” goes right along up there with some of their best. Some of those stranger middle tracks like “Fairweather Friends” with Elton John, “Kalopsia” with Trent Reznor and “Smooth Sailing” were also solid tracks. Bringing back Nick Oliveri and Dave Grohl for a few tracks was a nice addition, and adding Jon Theodore of The Mars Volta and One Day as a Lion as their new drummer was a very good selection. However, there was a big left field dud on here with “The Vampyre of Time and Memory” which is the worst song I ever heard these guys do, it’s a depressing piano ballad which really had split opinions amongst my friends: Most loved it and I hated it. QOTSA is one of the few bands my friends and I can agree upon as unanimously great, and they did somehow hit #1 in America with this album, so they had a pretty successful return with Like Clockwork all things considered.

6. Palms by Palms (aka Isistones)

Rating: 8 maids a milking/9 maids a milking

So here is another random pick in this list, the album which saw the ex-members of Isis minus Aaron Turner go on to form a project with Chino from Deftones on vocals. And it pretty much sounds exactly like what you would expect: Chino fronting Isis mixed in with the stranger aspects of Chino’s old work (Saturday Night Wrist, Team Sleep). I like to listen to this album all the way through as opposed to single tracks, they don’t really work as well apart as they did in sequence. “Future Warrior”, “Mission Sunset” and “Shortwave Radio” are my choices for tracks to check out if you never heard this. It’s kind of a niche item in this list and one with probably the least appeal outside of any death metal or hardcore related inclusions. But if you liked any Isis or Deftones this would be right up your alley.

5. One of Us Is the Killer by The Dillinger Escape Plan

Rating: Elevnty Zillion/Twentyteen Gazillion

Yes, I am aware I gave the best song of the year award out to The Dillinger Escape Plan, but that’s exactly why I am not putting them at #1. The Dillinger Escape plan put out an album that was in my opinion, their best in years. It’s frantic, it’s experimental, it’s still manic and threatening to kick your face across the floor after all these years. The first three tracks showcase what you’re in for, the rest kind of repeat that into the point where it’s just a stew of manic moments and off kilter slower passages with vocal theatrics all over the place. It is admittedly hard to listen to an entire album of The Dillinger Escape Plan, but at the same time, it’s a taxing beating that demands to be taken and reckoned with. “Paranoia Shields” and “Crossburner” were good late into the album, which closes with an unsurprisingly odd note titled “The Threat Posed By Nuclear Weapons”. So it’s Dillinger in 2013 and it’s good, there it is.

4. 12 Reasons To Die by Ghostface Killah and Adrian Younge

Rating: 11 Reasons to Die/12 Reasons to Die

So here is the final oddball inclusion before the equally confounding top 3, a project which saw Ghostface Killah return to the former glory of past work. Well, not exactly Ironman or Supreme Clientele, or even Fishscale level, but this is the best thing he has put out since Fishscale. Here, he teams up with producer Adrian Younge for a short concept album piece which revolves around live instrumentation as well as the typical soul samples of past Ghostface work. These compliment themselves very well together as Ghostface does what he does best: Tells a story. Which is why albums like “Apollo Kids” and “Ghostdeini The Wizard of Emrald Poetry” or whatever the hell that R&B one was called have largely sucked in recent years. This works terrifically as an entire album piece, I feel that every song is a valuable part to the whole, which should be listened to in sequence vs. selecting one track which rose above the rest, though I will mention “Blood On The Cobblestones”, “I Declare War” and “Murder Spree”, which also feature Wu members Inspectah Deck and Masta Killah, as highlights amongst the story. Ghostface finally released another interesting album in 2013 and it was a better year for it.

3. Surgical Steel by Carcass

Rating: 2.88888888888/3

So we match the numbers here with what I basically said before: There’s two short tracks at the beginning to set the tone basically, and then it’s classic death metal goodness from Carcass all the way til’ the thing ends. I already said all I need to say in the #3 post from the song list: Surgical Steel was great, #3 album of the year, crank it up again.

2. Colored Sands by Gorguts

Rating: 93% complete

Yes, another death metal band this high up the list. Yes, I know most of the people reading this have no idea who Gorguts is or about their classic albums “Obscura” and “From Wisdom To Hate”. And most people don’t realize how crazy it is that their 2013 comeback album “Colored Sands” is as good as those two albums. With time, Gorguts has lost nothing in this return. Technical death metal is one of those genres that most people aren’t into and never will be, but if there was a band I would recommend to check out to get into it, it is Gorguts. This entire album, front to back, not a dull fucking moment in the stretch. Just listen to the damn thing if you like this sort of music, there’s something severely wrong with you if you like metal and do not like “Colored Sands”. And for this, it is #2 on the list. It can only play second fiddle to the sound of something completely incomparable, like playing a fiddle and a tuba together or some shit like that.

1. Run The Jewels by Killer Mike and EL P

YOU’RE WINNER!

In 2012, two of my favorite hip hop releases were the amazing “R.A.P. Music” by Killer Mike and “Cancer 4 Cure” by El P. If I wrote a list of my favorite music in 2012 those 2 albums would have been in the top 5. So how fitting that #1 of 2013 combines the two flavors like a sundae of hard hitting experimental hip hop goodness. I’m not writing anymore, go fucking listen to it, it’s great, you have no excuse not to and it isn’t as admittedly inaccessible as the last few albums have been either. Finally, this is short: 34 minutes. It was the best half hour of music I heard all year long, make it the best half hour of music you hear in 2014 (so far).

The Sarah Palin Award for Most Retarded Album of 2013

Artists like to compare their compositions to children sometimes, like the egotists they sometimes are. And therein lies the joke, because Sarah Palin is both completely fucking retarded and has a down syndrome stricken child. Get it? Ha ha, purposely offensive! The Sarah Palin Award is for the album which was the most mentally challenging, in that it compelled everything in my mental capacity not to hit the stop button or smash whatever it was playing on violently into a million pieces. Again, I am not going to select a random album I never even listened to that most assuredly sucks because it’s too easy, so the best selling albums of the year list is not going to be the usual suspect for this session of lame duck hunting.

There were a few easy ones to consider which would easily piss off casual readers: “Yeezus” was close but I would have chosen Jay Z’s “Magna Carta Holy Grail” as an even worse album than that, but there were still even worse albums this year from artists I generally like. Eminem had the “Marshall Mathers LP Part 2”, which was a monumental failure by generating association with an actual good and controversial album while being F-grade level bullshit and radio fodder and is barely more offensive than my Sarah Palin award joke. Korn reunited with estranged born-again Christian guitarist Head to create a craptacular piece of shit album this year as well. But then there was this unforgivable fucking dog shit:

So fittingly enough, the Sarah Palin Award for Most Retarded Album of 2013 goes to fellow Tea Party, tea-bagged mouth full of testicles cocksucker Dave Mustaine and Megadeth for their horrific piece of shit “Super Collider”, which harkens back to the sounds of their drink coaster “Risk” from the late 90’s. Don’t even bother with it, and this is from someone who actually liked a lot of recent Megadeth albums like “Endgame” and “The System Has Failed”. Fuck off, Dave, this is some more St. Anger imitation-level bullshit.

The Grammy Award for “Best Album Of 2013”

The 2013 nominees for Grammy awards in rock music are Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, and David Bowie. I’m not joking. Therefore, this award is for the best album re-release of the year, an album which technically was released in 2013 but consisted entirely of work recorded years earlier. There were some great choices: Nirvana had their “In Utero” box set re-release and remaster which was my personal favorite, Lamb of God reissued their early millennium classic “As The Palaces Burn” from 2003, Rush released a remastered version of 2002’s “Vapor Trails”, A Perfect Circle released their retrospective box set and Boris released a live rendition of their classic “Flood” album-length track.

However, I am giving this award to the stellar remastered reissue of Godflesh’s final album “Hymns” from 2001, which featured not only remastered production but a second disc of the demo versions of the album and a new track. Godflesh are currently gunning for 2014 for the release of the first album since “Hymns”, so in 2014 we can hope they continue in the footsteps of metal acts of their time such as Gorguts, and release another one just as good as the prime material.

This list is dedicated to Jeff Hanneman, Lou Reed, Chi Cheng and Lord Infamous, four immense talents the music world lost in 2013.

“Music of 2014, save us all from mutually assured destruction tomorrow” – Vin. I probably won’t write about music ever again now. I’m done.

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